Bleah

Not sure what to say exactly other than to come right out with it. We just found out yesterday that Dean is likely to be laid off by September 30. There's still a chance he will be the one employee kept beyond that date, but it doesn't look good. They laid off half of his department in June, and now suddenly it seems the rest are to follow suit.

I alternate between shock, fright, and levelheadedness. I have no idea what the future holds. I have no idea how we'll manage until another job comes through (soon, please, Hashem). I have no ideas at all. I went to a wedding today, and as I stood in the room with all the dancing the juxtaposition of my stressful internal state with the whirling dancers and happy laughter were completely overwhelming. I quickly had to excuse myself from the friend I was talking to and go to the restroom. I numbly interacted with people, but did not feel very present. I was really hoping the happy occasion would be a good antidote. It wasn't.

Most amazing of all is my dear husband who, despite having feelings that must be very like my own, was able to play with the kids and make them laugh and make them feel that everything was the same as it was last week. Tomorrow I want to be more like him. And celebrate grandpa's birthday! Good night.